He's Just Not That Into You!

So today at work was pretty awkward. The janitor and I got into another fight and I called him something very racial and very explicit. I'm not a racist person mind you...how could I be with so many cultures in my family? But I merely said this to get a rise out of my dumb co-worker. He told me I was ugly & fat and at that point, my whole body went numb, I saw black and I threw my water bottle at him as hard as I could and I said what I said. I immediatley knew that what I did was unacceptable and i'm sure the whole building heard it because I screamed it at the top of my lungs. I have a conscience and when I do something bad I won't be able to sleep unless it's resolved. So I went to his manager and I went to my manager and told them what I had done. My manager told me that I need to write a statement and that she was going to go to some other people that I can't remember right now and assess everything. Hopefully I don't get fired.

I think that I want to buy a couple of things online. I know I shouldn't because I have other bills to pay for but I think I may have a problem. I am addicted to spending money. I need to have self control. What I want is:

-Kymaro Body Shaper $40.00
-Bump Its for your hair...not sure the price.
-All the Twilight series books and the price varies if I want to buy them used or not.

I'm just sitting at home with Aiden while he plays with the baby powder and yes if you can imagine it, it's EVERYWHERE!! =) But it's easy to clean up so I let him do it. I'm just waiting for Joe to come over so we can eat some dinner. He said he would be done at the gym at 6pm but it's 6:30 and he hasn't texted me back yet. I don't know. I kinda feel like maybe he is just not that into getting back together with me. He acts sometimes like he just doesn't give a crap about anything that has to do with me. I understand that he needs to start thinking about himself but even when i'm thinking about myself, I still have sympathy and truly care for what he does, says and goes through. We are suppose to be best friends but he sometimes acts like we aren't even that. When I try to come to him about a problem of mine, he asks me what i've done wrong and it just makes me feel bad. I can't go to anyone about my problems. I don't really want to go to my parents about my problems because they are going to try and give me advice. I just want to vent to someone. I'm not looking for advice. I think I want to start talking to a shrink...just so i'm not bottling everything up inside waiting for the day I explode about it. I don't know what else to say about it. I just feel so helpless when it comes to him. There's nothing I can do about how I feel about the way he acts towards me.

Ok well i'm going to go for now. Will blog more later :)

*Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.*